The Boy

"I find my dad in the parking lot. He drives me back to our house and camp is over. So is summer, even though there’s two weeks until school starts. This isn’t a story about how girls are evil or how love is bad, this is a story about how I learned something and I’m not saying this thing is true or not, I’m just saying it’s what I learned. I told you something. It was just for you and you told everybody. So I learned cut out the middle man, make it all for everybody, always. Everybody can’t turn around and tell everybody, everybody already knows, I told them. But this means there isn’t a place in my life for you or someone like you. Is it sad? Sure. But it’s a sadness I chose. I wish I could say this was a story about how I got on the bus a boy and got off a man more cynical, hardened, and mature and shit. But that’s not true. The truth is I got on the bus a boy. And I never got off the bus. I still haven’t"

-Childish Gambino

Dearest,

We've known eachother for quite sometime, but its only as of late that I've started catching feelings for you. Since last semester really. I've learned so much about you, and I love everything you are and everything you will become. The more I find out, the more fascinating you become. Every time I see you, I fall into a deeper obsession. And on those night that I can't see you... Well...

So simple, yet so diabolically stunning. Your beauty is incomparable. Many have tried for your heart in the past. I know each one probably more brilliant than the last. Truthfully, sometimes I am insecure; its hard not to compare myself to the others.

How did I get so lucky? For each time I gaze into you, I experience true bliss. I trust you completely with all my hopes and aspirations. I see you as you are: exquisite. I know there must be a Great Creator. Only PERFECTION can create something so perfectly beautiful. Alas, the morning comes, and I know you have leave, as per usual. I bid you adieu my stars.

-Philip

Expectation V Reality

When I was a  boy (a lot smaller than I am now), I dreamed. There isn't much that I do remember DOING as a kid, and  most of what I do recall are long days spent at my  my grandma's house. My family was very poor. My mom and dad worked full-time. But sometimes, in that very little time that I actually got to have a heart to heart with my mom, she would tell me about the states:  all the places she's been, and  all the people she met, the food she ate, the energy in the city. I was awe stricken. I wanted so very badly to experience that world for myself.

I began looking in my archived rolodex memory of Nickalodeon TV shows and Disney Channel Orginal Movies. I wanted to be like those  goofy American kids. All fancy with their snowed out school days, organized sports with cheerleaders, apparenly always taking bubble baths on their neat suburban home. America had so much to offer... Yah, The Good ole USA, my first crush. I was obsessed with  how a kid on the otherside of the  planet lived. Whatever he was doing, it HAD TO  be better than what i'll ever do, exceptional even. I dreamed of living in States, but that was a long time ago, when I was a boy.

Bored

Blogging. I suppose this is the part where I say a little bit about myself. I’m Philip.

Now for the meat and bones of this blog. This thing is going to be my new haven to discuss my thoughts, opinions, fears, and concerns. And Maybe a dude like me—coy, yet sweet in heart and spirit—needs some sort of “outlet” to express the overwhelming pressures and day-to-day struggle of being a grownup. Fuck exercise, imma write. For you see friends, behind my tough, rugged, exterior lays something more creative. I don’t want this to be funny or anything like that. I’ve made a promise to myself to at least keep this forum sacred and protect it from vulgarity. That’s what that trashy Facebook account for, I suppose. But now I’m just rambling. So, I guess I’ll make this short. but there’s been one thought I’ve been dying to share and maybe discuss with people, but sadly I’ve yet to have anyone willing to share in his dialogue. And that is boredom…

In a recent episode of FX’s Louise, the show’s protagonist, Louise C.K., takes his daughters on road trip across the beautiful New England countryside to see a long forgotten relative. In the middle of the trip, Louise’s daughter says, rather routinely, that she is bored. In response, the comedian yells that there is no real reason to EVER be bored (in a funnier way, of course). And, in that response, I take away true brilliance. Most people go through life just abusing the word BORED. In a world, like ours, so vastly rich, full potential experiences, people, cultures, art, pain, justice, happiness, wonder, joy, memories, love, LOVE, LOVE… A place where people may only experience only the worst of what is out there… A world where most of us will only get to see a fraction of a percent… and even within our minds, in which there are unfathomable amounts of self-discovery and growth… Is there really a way to be bored??? I guess so; I’ll check my wall to see if someone poked me back now.